Hot, stormy summer mornings..

Never thought I'd ever sleep in again. I'm usually a "wake up at 4:30 or 5:00 a.m." kind of person. A good thunderstorm sure knocks out that kind of behavior. Some mornings I even sleep now until 7:30 or if it's the weekend, 8:30 or 9. Can you say "alleluia"? (I'm not even sure I can spell it.

Of course, maybe I've been sleeping late for the past few weeks as I've not been feeling tip-top. Had my scanxiety appt. today and...lo! and behold...I'm not a hypochondriac...I have bronchitis, which is why I've been coughing and feeling fatigued lately. Hopefully I got some good drugs and will be back to my new normal in a few days. Should have called the doctor and gone in sooner, but old Miss Doom and Gloom was scared of hearing bad news. Instead, NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE once again. Yippee! (Both lungs were bothering me, so you may see why I was anxious.) Something did show up on both lungs, which is why the doctor says I have bronchitis. Not tumors.

My head is no longer bald...more like a wet rat right now...dark, dark, surprisingly dark and if it's not curly, then I have about 200 cowlicks going on. It's going to take a little longer for my lashes to return....wahhhh!

Enough about that. My car was in the shop getting road worthy for the trip to St. Augustine...ALL five of my sisters will be vacationing with us, and all my kids (some the whole two weeks, some only 5 days) and my granddaughter will be joining us. Why am I driving? Can't leave my little Scout behind. He is getting his own personalized life jacket and Margarita bowl. Right on the beach...how relaxing and fun it all sounds. Am going to make the dream a reality...with my family, how can it be anything but fun?

I go back to the onco in a month (sooner if I'm not feeling better w/the antibiotics and steroids) for X-rays to make sure all the fluid has cleared up from both lungs.
Will blog again then.

9:07 p.m.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Kicking the Chemo Blues

Not quite sure if I'm having a reaction to the taxotere, the hydrocodone, or the neulasta shot, but right after chemo I get the blues. Wow, all those horrible stats stick in my mind, playing over and over until I reboot my brain and do something totally different.

The weather hasn't cooperated in making this an easier time - although I do admit I love a good thunderstorm and we have had some doozies!

(Fingers crossed) I had my last chemo (of all time) on the 10th of May. Will go in on the 21st of June for a CT scan to show NED (no evidence of disease) - or that's the plan. My hair is coming in and given another another couple weeks (maybe six), I should be sporting a "Twiggy" haircut. My big sister says how beautiful I am with short hair (I used to wear it very, very short). I'm older now but seriously, I think there is something to the "chemo skin"...I've been told I "glow" by several people in my support groups. I think it's all the exercise and sitting in the sauna I've been attempting lately. Although you can have the elliptical machine - ouch! And for all the bike riding I used to do in Elkhorn, I can only ride for about 5 minutes before pausing. It'll come.

I've joined several support groups, one at John Stoddard Cancer Center, and two at the YMCA - the Y groups meet every Wednesday. I'm also volunteering for Hospice. I actually got paperwork to fill out this time. I asked about volunteering at the hospital also but they DON'T NEED VOLUNTEERS! That was hard to believe.

I'm trying to do one thing every day but since Monday it's been tough. This chemo is so fatiguing. I'm looking forward to a future filled with good things; watching my granddaughter grow, watching MY daughter grow into a beautiful young woman, as well as following the lives of my big kids. Lauren is hanging in there with me and won't be moving back to Chicago until the end of August or the beginning of September. I am considering a move to a warmer climate with some of my big kids (who are all for it and ready, willing, and able). Just not sure now is the time to be moving. I still want to see what's around the corner here. I'm positive I moved to Iowa for a reason. I'd like to find that reason. (smile)

This blog isn't all that articulate. I did want everyone to know I'm at the end of this first part of my recovery journey. I am working on where I go from here since it seems I've lost so much along this path. I know, I know, when God closes the door, he opens a window. I'm ready for some of those nice breezes blowing in on me. I just need to stay open and listen to find my new direction. Thank you for being here for me, friends, Grapeviners, brothers, sisters, and family.

Taxotere #2

No allergic reaction to my 2nd round of taxotere. The nurse told me that the reactions generally come with the 2nd round. Thank goodness the chemo went without a hitch. My eyelashes are getting spotty - wah!!! - and I'm tired, tired, tired, not sleepy, just very fatigued. I was told my blood counts are low enough for me to have a blood transfusion, but I said I'd wait and see. Might have to go in and get that so I can have some energy. Pulling myself along by my fingernails is no way to locomate. While I was on the steroids, and had some energy, I went to the half-price book store and stocked up on novels. Nelson DeMille (thank you Mark Morley)- Lion's Gate I think the title is, and still have Wicked to read. Jodi Picoult is a good, easy read and am almost finished with the 2nd book. Have read "Vanishing Act" and am halfway through "Keeping Faith". So while I'm tired, I can at least lay on the couch or sit on my deck and read.

I'm ready to put all this behind me, grow a headful of hair and go on vacation.

Thursday, April 22, 2010
12:20 pm

Easter in Lake Geneva

The trip to Lake Geneva was much more pleasant than my last trip in February. I managed to drive several hours before I got too achey to sit in one position. The baby is just as squeezable as I thought she'd be. Gee, I feel like the witch in Hansel and Gretel...just wanted to squeeze her and eat her up. She is so precious...yes, even when she cries. Since I'm the grandma, I could always hand her off during those times. Finally! I get to enjoy a baby. I suppose if Allie and Terry move to Des Moines, I could babysit and actually do caretaking. We had a nice Easter brunch and didn't tax the new parents with our presence for long as we left around 4 pm. Long drive home though, don't think I'll be taking any more trips until vacation this summer.

This chemo (taxotere) sure is fatiguing. I'm a bit teary/resentful over my lack of energy right now. I was feeling so energized and great having had that month off of chemo or any treatment of doing anything but getting better. I am going to start supplementing and eating a "cancer" diet that the Cancer Centers of America recommends. I still don't understand why my doctors keep telling me to "eat whatever you want". That doesn't even make good sense to me and I'm not a nutritionist or doctor. I know my body needs fuel; fuel for my immune system to get busy now and irradicate any microscopic bits of cancer left behind from the surgery, radiation, and chemo. I know cancer feeds on sugar, so doesn't it make sense that I should try to cut all sugar from my diet? and exercise to burn the rest of it off? My immune system should have been able to destroy these cancer cells before they turned life-threatening. I have been doing something wrong for the past couple years - stress, diet, lack of exercise...makes sense that I need to change drastically all of the above. Cancer will just come back if I'm eating and doing and thinking the same way. Exercise won't be that hard, but changing the way I eat...that's hard. Eating more veggies, just EATING vegetables every day...and trying to eat 5 to 7 servings a day. That will be hard. I'm going to have to start juicing.

Allison (and Terry), thank you for my beautiful granddaughter - you did a wonderful job of creating our little Arleigh Angel.

Proud Aunt Katie and Uncle Pat with Arleigh:

CT scan`

My CT scan was clean; everything looks good. Did the taxotere - no allergic reaction to it. The nurse told me that since I'm only doing 3 rounds of this, I shouldn't have any of the uncommon side effects. It's folks who have to do six or more doses that generally get the weird side effects. So I'M GOOD. Will have another CT scan in 3 mos but am positive that all will be clean with that one too.

Just a brief note to let you all know that I'M CLEAR OF ANY TUMORS (and hopefully cancer) at this point. And plan to stay that way. I have to get a shot tomorrow to help keep my red and white counts at an acceptable low over the next 10-11 days. But shouldn't get nauseous from any of this. Keeping my thoughts positive (and my fingers crossed).

March 29, 2010
2:33 pm

Taxotere starts today

Am leaving in an hour and a half for the hospital to do labs, talk to the doc about results of the CT scan I had done last Thursday and start the 1st of 3 rounds of taxotere.

I have been very on the fence about doing this last chemo. While it's not as harsh on the body as Cisplatin (which really made me sick to my stomach), there are side effects that, while though rare, do occur and can cause permanent damage to organs, nails, hair, as well as neuropathy. I have been praying for guidance about whether to take this chemo or not. The doctor said she hasn't seen any permanent effects in any of her patients.

While I was at a Grapeviners' luncheon, a guest "Grapeviner" was there who is an 8-year survivor of breast cancer. She marveled that I hadn't lost my eyelashes or eyebrows although, sadly, my hair (on my head) didn't survive chemo. As we talked she encouraged me to go through these last three rounds...yes, I might get some of the side effects; but as with radiation and my last chemo, the side effects do abate at some point.

I am able to swallow; the horrible acid that caused me to throw up each time I'd take a bite of something is all but gone. I still have a cough - radiation pneumonitis? I'll hear some answers today.

My daughter from Chicago is coming for a short visit (and to pick up her dog) and I'm excited. Still haven't seen my grandbaby, but am hopeful that after
Easter I'll be in Lake Geneva holding and kissing my little Arleigh Kane.

To all for reading/following my blog, thank you and God bless! (I'm feeling good.)

March 29, 2010
7:37 a.m.

Life Moves Us Along...

Yipee! I'm a grandmother now so yes, I do have bragging rights! My first grandchild was born yesterday at 7:15 a.m. A whopping 7.14 and 20" long. Allison said she's a good baby, quiet. (I wouldn't bet on that lasting too long.)

Having cancer and trying to decide if I should do these last rounds of chemo (taxotere - scary side effects) I've lost my perspective a bit. Life seems to revolve around me and what I'm going through. When Arleigh was born (yesterday), I realized that life moves us right along and will continue to do so whether I am here or not. I plan on being here. I have to be a grandma who spoils her grandkids. I'll keep gum and lifesavers in my purse and always have decadent food for them to get sick on, and take them to all the fun places their folks are too tired for. I can't imagine not being here to watch my daughter become a wonderful mother. To see how she handles defiance and stubborness in her own child. Not that I would curse her with a child like she used to be to me. And I did promise her I would come over to her house and jump on her furniture and spit gum on her floor. (smile)

Love you, Allison and Terry; thank you for my beautiful granddaughter.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010
2:30 p.m.