Kicking the Chemo Blues

Not quite sure if I'm having a reaction to the taxotere, the hydrocodone, or the neulasta shot, but right after chemo I get the blues. Wow, all those horrible stats stick in my mind, playing over and over until I reboot my brain and do something totally different.

The weather hasn't cooperated in making this an easier time - although I do admit I love a good thunderstorm and we have had some doozies!

(Fingers crossed) I had my last chemo (of all time) on the 10th of May. Will go in on the 21st of June for a CT scan to show NED (no evidence of disease) - or that's the plan. My hair is coming in and given another another couple weeks (maybe six), I should be sporting a "Twiggy" haircut. My big sister says how beautiful I am with short hair (I used to wear it very, very short). I'm older now but seriously, I think there is something to the "chemo skin"...I've been told I "glow" by several people in my support groups. I think it's all the exercise and sitting in the sauna I've been attempting lately. Although you can have the elliptical machine - ouch! And for all the bike riding I used to do in Elkhorn, I can only ride for about 5 minutes before pausing. It'll come.

I've joined several support groups, one at John Stoddard Cancer Center, and two at the YMCA - the Y groups meet every Wednesday. I'm also volunteering for Hospice. I actually got paperwork to fill out this time. I asked about volunteering at the hospital also but they DON'T NEED VOLUNTEERS! That was hard to believe.

I'm trying to do one thing every day but since Monday it's been tough. This chemo is so fatiguing. I'm looking forward to a future filled with good things; watching my granddaughter grow, watching MY daughter grow into a beautiful young woman, as well as following the lives of my big kids. Lauren is hanging in there with me and won't be moving back to Chicago until the end of August or the beginning of September. I am considering a move to a warmer climate with some of my big kids (who are all for it and ready, willing, and able). Just not sure now is the time to be moving. I still want to see what's around the corner here. I'm positive I moved to Iowa for a reason. I'd like to find that reason. (smile)

This blog isn't all that articulate. I did want everyone to know I'm at the end of this first part of my recovery journey. I am working on where I go from here since it seems I've lost so much along this path. I know, I know, when God closes the door, he opens a window. I'm ready for some of those nice breezes blowing in on me. I just need to stay open and listen to find my new direction. Thank you for being here for me, friends, Grapeviners, brothers, sisters, and family.