How I'm feeling these past few days...

tired. And according to my radiation oncologist, I will only get more and more tired. I have always been an active person; painting, gardening, house rehabbing (yes, knocking out walls, drywalling, plastering, stripping paint from window trim, staircases, etc.) It's hard to absolutely have no energy. I asked Dr. T about that this morning. He laughed and said I am not even 1/3 of the way into this whole process. I wanted to cry. I don't like NOT having energy. I wake up in the morning, shower, beautify myself (smile) and then am so tired I want to take a nap. I drag myself around by the back of my shirt (and believe me, that stirs up a lot of static electricity in my hair) over to the couch and collapse in a puddle. No, half the time I don't even turn the tube on.

Just kind of lay there like a rag doll. That's how I've been feeling. I tried to throw up this morning but after 20 minutes of heaving, realized that as a HUGE mistake. I thought if I actually could sick it up, I'd feel better. I don't think it works that way.

When my brain gets tired, I don't even inspire myself. This whole "How I'm feeling" feels flat and I do apologize for that. But I feel flat. At least the chemo-farts are gone. Man, can you imagine being pumped full of foul smelling gas and then not passing it? It's been better for one and all that I stayed home until that passed (no pun intended).

Tuesday, January 26, 2010
3:05 p.m.

P.S. I have an appt. with the thoracic surgeon tomorrow and he'll let me know if I'm "healed". I get X-rays taken first; I know nothing will show - they got all the big tumors, anything left will be microscopic. So another exercise in futility. Unless my ribs didn't return to their normal position after they pulled them apart. Ouch! I've tried to find an explanation of my surgery on line but never did find anything too definitive. Like, did the doc pull my whole lung out and disconnect the parts to be removed on the table, then stick it back in like silly putty in an egg? Not even any vids.