Isolating

Cancer can be isolating. When I'm out and about I look at people now and wonder, "Do they have cancer?" How would I know? People don't look at me and see "cancer". I have no outward signs of it. I still look like me, act like me for the most part. I have lost a bit of my sense of sarcasm and cynicism.

I still find it hard to believe, accept, that "Hey, I have CANCER." I don't feel like I have cancer. I feel like the cure is worse than the disease. I felt fine before the surgery, before the chemo, before the radiation. Not to deny that I have it and need the "treatment", just that the treatment is what is killing me! (I'm smiling big time here.)

I like to hear people's stories (Chris from Chicago, you tell a marvelous story - you should take this time as you recover to WRITE A NOVEL, I'd buy it and I'm a reader from WAY BACK.) The American Lung Assoc. doesn't have any support groups in Des Moines. Can you believe it? Breast cancer support groups - almost every woman I've talked to in person at the Cancer (free) Center has breast cancer. If there are 4x as many people getting lung cancer, where are all the support groups for that? I don't want to feel isolated. I want to, need to hear survivor stories from people with lung cancer. WAHHHHH! Am not going to hear any of those stories in person; I suppose I'll have to read about them. But how do I know if the person is still alive when their last post was two or three years ago? I want them to BE ALIVE so I can have hope that I will be like them. I want them to be my age, in good health other than the cancer, and I want them to live long and prosper (okay, so I'm a Star Trek fan). Is that too much to ask? I just don't want to feel isolated.

January 27, 2010
4:06 a.m.